Paths to Empowerment

We hear a lot about empowerment these days. Becoming empowered is regarded as a desirable state to attain — and definitely a desirable state in which to live one’s life. But how do we attain that state; how do we empower ourselves?

What is Empowerment?

First of all, how do we define empowerment? I believe we first regarded empowerment as desirable as a reaction against “giving one’s power away” or being “powerless.” To be empowered is to have control over one’s life. (It does not, however, include having power over others’ lives.) To be empowered and to have control, or power, over one’s life includes having control over all facets of one’s life: it means thinking for oneself and taking responsibility for one’s life, as well as being active instead of just passive; it means moving past dependence toward independence. It does not mean, however, that we become so empowered and independent that we become islands: to be happily self-empowered, we gain autonomy in our lives, while still feeling a connection to others and our environment. A curious balance between independence and connection. Being connected to others may entail compromise in our relationships. There is a difference, however, between compromise and giving one’s power away or sacrificing oneself.

What we are talking about is knowing our own Truth. Knowing our own Truth, knowing who we are — Self Knowledge — and trusting in it is powerful stuff. And once knowing our Truth, to then live our lives by it.

To be empowered is to know one’s Truth, to think for oneself, to be independent while still feeling a connection, to be active as well as passive, to take responsibility for ourselves. A person who is self-empowered has integrity, with all his parts integrated. A true “whole.”

Obstacles to Empowerment

Now that we have dissected the meaning of empowerment to death, how do we become empowered? Let’s look first at what may stand in our way. What are the obstacles to empowerment? What do we need to change or work around?

One of the major obstacles to self-empowerment is our social conditioning. We have been conditioned to give our power away. We have been conditioned to regard established authorities as having absolute knowledge, as icons not to be questioned. One good example of this has been the social view of medicine and medical practitioners. We have been trained to take doctors’ advice as gospel and not to question or take an active role in our own health care. This is the view of “M. D.’s” as “medical deities.” This attitude, happily, is changing. We are learning to take responsibility for our own health. We are learning that we can question, and still respect, authority while respecting ourselves.

Another way in which our conditioning blocks empowerment lies in the very way we are trained to think. Just as we are trained not to question authorities, so also are we trained to think that things must be only one way. I think of this as one-dimensional or “totalitarian” thinking that does not allow for originality or variances or even shades of gray. Just as physicists are discovering that scientific laws are not hard and fast, that matter or objects do not always act as scientific laws would prescribe, so too are old, rigid concepts having to become more flexible. Thus, women are no longer necessarily dominated by men. Nor, in fact, we now realize, does there have to be domination of any type.

The “one-dimensionality” of our cultural conditioning leads us to see ourselves in a very narrow light — as only being or doing one or a few things — or only socially prescribed things. Thus, women should act only in one way, and men should act bnly in one (other) way. Seeing ourselves as only one thing — and thus not seeing other possibilities for ourselves — is very limiting. Seeing ourselves as only white or black or Native American, as female or male, as Christian or Jew, as American or Russian — limites our potential. To be empowered is to see and develop our potential. How many times have you been surprised to find that a doctor also writes poetry or that a well-known actor also paints well or that your auto mechanic may also sing? We become empowered when we move past the obstacles of limiting, one-dimensional cultural conditioning to fuller, more “whole” views of ourselves.

To become empowered, we must break past the old thinking that we must be or act in a certain, preordained, socially prescribed way (e.g., that women should please others and that men should dominate). We must move past rigid thinking that we have all the answers and that there is nothing new under the sun to a new state of a sense of wonderment. Thus, we must deprogram our cultural conditioning and have an open mind.

Another obstacle to becoming empowered is low self-esteem. If we don’t love or even like ourselves, how can we trust our own thinking? Self-doubts, low self-esteem, lack of trust in oneself — all block our becoming empowered. If we don’t think highly of ourselves, we certainly don’t truly develop our independence.

And connected to low self-esteem is the other obstacle, lack of self-knowledge. It is hard to empower ourselves if we don’t truly know ourselves.

Another major obstacle to being empowered, which is also connected to low self-esteem, is old uncleared issues. Issues that are not resolved cloud our thinking and block our energy flow. They affect our behavior as behind-the-scenes, unconscious motivators and do not allow us to be truly in control of ourselves — or empowered. Being empowered means being clear, thinking clearly, seeing clearly, and acting accordingly.
Fears are also a major obstacle to empowerment. Our fear holds us back and robs us of will. It is an energy that closes in, instead of expanding outward. It is a block to the free flow of energy. To be empowered is to be clear, to have one’s energy flowing freely. Fear prevents us from being truly self-reliant and clear-sighted.
Passivity and dependence are also blocks to empowerment. To be empowered, we must be independent, we must be active. Again, this does not mean blocking other people out; one can be independent and connected. Being self-empowered means being somewhat self-contained, having integrity (wholeness, independence) in a natural, free-flowing way. Being passive and dependent entails giving one’s power away.

Lack of knowledge is also an obstacle to empowerment. To be empowered, one must be as self-reliant as possible. It is hard to be self-reliant without knowledge. Wise men have talked about the importance of knowledge over the centuries. Contemporary near-death-experiencers have also stressed its importance. As we add to our knowledge, we add to our storehouse of data upon which to draw. As we add to our knowledge, we are better able to think for ourselves. Lack of knowledge leaves us in a weakened and impoverished condition which is not conducive to empowerment. As Francis Bacon said, “Knowledge itself is power.”

Similarly, lack of self-development is an obstacle to empowerment. If we have not developed parts of ourselves, we have less on which to rely in ourselves. As we develop more facets of ourselves, we know ourselves better and become more self-reliant. Our confidence is also boosted, and we become more whole. We thus are able to empower ourselves more and in more areas.

These are some of the obstacles to empowerment, and many of these factors are interrelated. Certainly low self-esteem, fear, dependence, and uncleared issues are inter-connected. As we move toward clearing one, others are also affected.

Paths to Empowerment

Given the obstacles to empowerment, some or all of which may affect any of us to varying degrees, how do we move toward empowerment? How do we remove the obstacles?
First let me say that we all have our own paths to follow. The path I have followed may vary greatly from your path. In looking for it and in following your intuition, you will find your own path.
That said, I would like to suggest some possible steps or directions. Some of these may be painfully obvious. Some may feel more appealing to you than others. We all come to things at the appropriate time. If it feels appropriate, try it. Remember that empowerment is a process that gradually unfolds.

Deprogramming Thinking
In order to break down the walls of “totalitarian” thinking investigate alternative modalities and disciplines. The more we are exposed, with an open mind, to non-mainstream ideas, the more we start to discover our own truths.

Try going to an alternative health practitioner instead of a “regular” (allopathic) doctor. Try a wholistic physician, acupuncturist, massage therapist, herbalist, etc.

Read about various cultural philosophies and religions: Native American, Indian, Egyptian, Mayan, African, Taoism, Hinduism, Islam, folklore, etc. There is wisdom everywhere. What feels right to you? Remember that what feels right now may later feel wrong and vice versa. (What feels right or wrong now may be the result of issue-related button-pushing, but that is a digression we won’t go into now. Rick probably thinks this article is already too long!) Try to keep an open mind as your explore. The more you explore alternative modalities with an open mind, the more you are deprogramming your mind and allowing it to grow in new ways. Digest what you are exposed to. Don’t accept everything as gospel. You will gradually find yourself developing your own ideas, one solid step toward being empowered.

Gaining Self-Esteem

Gaining self-esteem is a process also, and there are different ways to try to facilitate it. One conventional approach is therapy or counseling. This is a valid approach and needn’t be rejected automatically out-of-hand. If you choose to investigate this modality, try to choose your therapist or counselor carefully. Try to find one about whom you feel good, one with whom you feel a rapport. Try also to find one who facilitates your process of self-discovery, rather than one who controls you or encourages you to be dependent on him/her or who brings his/her issues into your sessions.

Guided imagery meditation or regression sessions may also help to build self-esteem by working at root causes. Energizing self-discoveries may be gained in this way.

Developing your talents and abilities can also boost self-esteem.

Remember that you are a unique and valid individual. Remember that we all have our talents and something to contribute. Remember that we all make mistakes and forgive yourself. Remember that the deepest beauty is that which is inside. Try to incorporate these thoughts into daily affirmations.

Knowing Yourself
Knowing oneself can be a difficult process. We tend to be trapped in our own egos and our self-perception tends to be colored emotionally by our needs, self-concept, and degree of self-esteem. Try to find that objective place in yourself, the place unaffected by subjective or temporal concerns — the observer.
Observe yourself in difficult situations and with different people. What do you see? How do you react?
Learn how your mind works. Watch yourself think by drawing upon your internal objective observer.
Explore meditation as a vehicle for observing yourself. Look into self-hypnosis.

What do you feel empathetic towards? What repulses you? What pushes your buttons? Why does it push them? What are your talents? What engages your interest?

Clearing Your Issues
Clearing issues is another process that may be a convoluted and divergent path. Again, counseling or therapy may be an option, as well as regression therapy and guided imagery meditation.
Bodywork that helps identify places in your body where issues and memories are stored may help in clearing them.

Bringing past issues or problems to consciousness that are not yet cleared also helps as a precursor to clearing them. Awareness and self-knowledge are closely entwined.
If your issues entail substance or other abuse, consider joining some of the support groups.

Identify and gain access to self-help books (John Bradshaw, A Course in Miracles, etc.). This can facilitate your own self-discovery.

Watch what pushes your buttons, especially anger and fear. Try to go into your objective observer (through meditation, self-hypnosis, etc.) and learn why your buttons are being pushed, what is the root cause. Sometimes conscious knowledge can help you move past the issue. (Not to be confused with denial, where there is no conscious awareness or acceptance of the issue.)

Look for patterns in your life. Do you find yourself over and over embroiled in similar dysfunctional situations or with similarly dysfunctional people (to use psychological terms)? Again search out the root cause.
Know that you can clear your issues. Know that you can feel clearer and happier and more content. Know that others have journeyed this path before and that you can, too.

Conquering Fears

Fears can be conquered. One of the first steps is to recognize fear for what it is. Ofttimes a fear may be cloaked or disguised as something else. Basically, however, love and confidence/being positive open us up. Our energy flows freely outward. Fear closes us in and holds us back.

Many fears are related to issues. Clearing issues can reduce fear. Fear also may be of the unknown, related to fear of not being accepted or loved, as well as fear of death. There is also the fear of not having enough, which is related to not feeling secure in ourselves. As we work on self-esteem and gain knowledge, this fear is reduced.

When you find yourself holding back, try to identify what is causing you to hold back, what the fear is. Identifying the core issue can help. This can be done through the modalities mentioned above.
Try going into your fear, a little at a time if necessary. True empowerment comes when we are “fear-less,” when we are clear of fear.

Realize that your fear is just that — a fear. Your fear of the fear and your holding back are more insidious than what the fear concerns.

When you go into a fear, feel the fear. Let it wash over you. Watch where it leads you. It will reach an end at some point. Watch yourself come back to normal, with the fear receding.

Whenever you feel fear and have identified the root cause, focus on love. Try to mentally wrap the fear in love, completely envelop and enclose it in love. Breathe into the fear, deep cleansing breaths from the abdomen. See the love growing in size and the fear shrinking.

Remember that nothing can harm you unless you first allow it in on some level.

Achieving Independence
Gaining independence may be accomplished by some of the modalities mentioned earlier: counseling/therapy, meditation, regression, affirmations, etc.
Dealing with fear can also help. Dependence often is related to low self-esteem and fears — of being alone, of not being loved, etc. We may feel we are not capable of taking care of ourselves. Love in the past may have meant giving up one’s power over oneself, an infant’s dependence on one’s parents.
Independence can be liberating and exhilarating. It is also related to self-development. As we develop more of ourselves and clear our issues, we come to rely more on ourselves and thus become more independent.

Developing Yourself and Gaining Knowledge
The more we develop ourselves and learn and gain knowledge, the more empowered we become. To this end, think of yourself as a multi-faceted person. Try not to feel that you can only do or be one thing. Being a renaissance person can help you become empowered.

Is there something you’ve always wanted to do or learn? Allow yourself to explore it.

It is interesting to note that recent research now reveals seven areas of intelligence, as opposed to the only two previously recognized: math and verbal. The other five areas are: bodily, spatial, introspective, musical, and interpersonal. Anyone can inherently have any of the above abilities or any combination of them. It has further been found that, if one is not utilizing all of his/her abilities, he/she does not feel fulfuilled or satisfied.

We are all more than we are brought up to believe we are. Realize that you can do things you may never have considered. We all have untapped potential. As we develop ourselves, we also gain knowledge of ourselves. Our self-view expands.

Expanding your knowledge is also a component of empowerment, and, conversely, empowerment is a by-product of knowledge. Consider the case of someone who has just been diagnosed with a serious illness. This person can sit back and be powerless and fearful of the unknown, giving his/her power away to a medical practitioner. OR he/she may take power by researching the illness and gaining all the information and knowledge he/she can and thereby knowing what he/she is dealing with and what modalities and avenues to explore.

Remember that “knowledge is power.” — both external knowledge and self-knowledge.

Developing Your Intuition

One of the strongest ways to become empowered is to develop your intuition.

We all have an internal “voice” that guides us. We know when something feels right or not. Learn to listen to your internal voice, or, if you will, your “internal BS meter.”

Learn to discern what your voice is, what it feels like, how it speaks to you. Your intuitive voice will be clear and not emotionally colored. It will feel sure. It will also usually be persistent. It may be experienced as a “feeling in the gut.” It may come as an image, feeling, words, etc. However it is experienced is appropriate for you.

Learn what your voice is like and befriend it. Trust it. In trusting it, you are trusting yourself. Your intuitive voice is one of the greatest gifts you naturally have that leads to self-empowerment.

Final Thoughts

Remember that we can all increase our empowerment. Learn more about yourself. Trust yourself. Believe in yourself. Accept your uniqueness as an individual. Learn what your own truth is and honor it. Remember that we are here to learn and grow. Add to your bank of knowledge and abilities. Explore your world with confidence and with an open and curious mind. Know that you have your own path in life and respect it. Respect yourself, as well as others. Glory in your independence and empowerment. And, as Shakespeare wisely said, “to thine own self be true.” That is true integrity – and empowerment.

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Four reasons why now is the perfect time to start up.

1. You owe it to yourself.
Sometimes insecurities arise because people feel they don’t deserve success. If these kinds of limiting beliefs are holding you back, it may be time to become a little more selfish. What is it about success that instills fear? A lot of it has to do with raised expectations.

Related: What Type of Entrepreneur are You?
Once you’ve established yourself as an entrepreneur, people will expect quite a bit from you. You’re no longer the young kid with potential. You’re now the professional adult who realized their potential. Sure, this can be a scary transition, but you owe it to yourself to grow and adapt. You owe it to yourself to become the best person you’re able to become. You owe it to yourself to make your job and work enjoyable and rewarding.

2. You owe it to your idea.
People have a misconception about entrepreneurs: They think that they’re only in it for the money. Though making millions is certainly on the mind of any young entrepreneur, the idea that business owners are entirely money driven couldn’t be further from the truth.
Often, entrepreneurs have a great idea that can truly impact the world in a positive way. If you’re hesitant to take the plunge, consider the power and potential of your idea. Consider the mark you can make on society. Innovation and creativity are the catalysts for progress, and, throughout the ages, entrepreneurial minds have shaped the world.

3. Don't regret not starting up.
All of us have regrets in life. We look back at moments where we wish we could have made a different decision. But eventually, ambitious and active people realize that regret is weighing them down.

Related: How to Stay Motivated When the Going Gets Rough (Video)
Once you make the decision to banish regret from your life, you are free to take risks. You laugh in the face of so-called “failure.” You welcome challenges, and you boast about your mistakes. Remember, you won’t regret taking the wrong action as much as you’ll regret not taking any action at all.

4. Help is there when you need it.
There’s no shame in seeking guidance once you’ve decided to take the entrepreneurial plunge. Finding a business partner that shares your vision and values is a great way to gain confidence and remain motivated. Remember, no one person can do everything. Delegate your responsibilities and share your skills with others. Then you can work together to build your business.

Related: What Doesn’t Kill You… Makes You an Entrepreneur?
Additionally, finding a qualified and friendly business mentor can be extremely valuable and rewarding. Someone who has walked down a similar path and stared down the same insecurities can be tremendously effective in helping you traverse your own.

What was the hardest part about taking the plunge? Let us know in the comments section below.

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Managing Email Realistically.

Don’t worry: this isn’t yet another Getting Things Done love-in. GTD probably works, but it doesn’t work for you (or me). There are plenty of great apps to help you manage your life and your tasks, like OmniFocus and so on, but they won’t work for you. You won’t devote the time to organize all the stuff.
You won’t create contexts, and you certainly won’t file stuff appropriately. You won’t do your weekly review. You’re also probably not the overall person in charge of the next Mars mission. Those systems are not for normal people; they’re for obsessive-compulsives who just happen to prefer filtering email than counting toothpicks or quadruple-checking that the oven is off.
You, however, are a normal person, and the time you’d spend on all those formal task-management rituals is better spent aimlessly surfing the web, or even going home early. You’re just an ordinary lassie or laddie who gets too much goddamned email.

I am fully there with you. I want less hassle, not another job to do.
To effectively manage our email, we have to accept a few basic truths. They’re hard truths, but that only makes them even more valuable. Here they are:

1. What’s important to other people is not (as) important to you.
2. You are inherently lazy and egocentric.
3. Ruthlessness is a hell of a time-saver.

With those facts, we have the basis of a truly workable email-management system. The simple rules I use are as follows, and are based on categorising email by when (or if) I’ll reply to it.

Reply immediately

• Friends and family. I put friends first, deliberately - you have a certain obligation to respond to family, but their messages are probably stupid. Friends, on the other hand, are likely to be sharing something genuinely interesting and/or amusing, and there’s nothing with a higher priority than that.
• Close and trusted acquaintances who explicitly say they need something urgently (these are the only types of acquaintances who are even allowed to say that - everyone else can piss off).

Reply within 24 hours

• Clients, or other people who are (formally) paying you money. Got to keep those people happy. That’s just common sense. They’re not as important as family and friends, but they’re a close second.
• People it would be wise to keep happy. Who falls into this category depends on what you do, but generally it’s the big hitters in your field. Well-known people, who can help you by your mere association with them. Luminaries. Bloggers. Journalists whose names you know. People with a lot of followers. Me, personally. You get the idea.
• People who have given you things; it’s only polite. It doesn’t matter if it’s an unsolicited promo code for an app (as long as it’s not scatter-shot PR), a $5 donation for your code, or something from your Amazon wishlist - say thank you, and do so promptly. As you were presumably taught to.

Once a week

Set aside a bit of time (not at the weekend - that’s your time; sneak half an hour of Friday instead) to reply to some of the kinds of emails you might actually keep in your inbox for a few days.

• Charity replies. Not begging-letters from actual charities; you should delete those immediately. Instead, I mean replies to personal communications from people you don’t know, responses you’ve received from your blog, non-work enquiries about your products or your code, and so forth. Stuff you don’t need to ever reply to, but it’s charitable to do so. Or, just archive them instead.
• Brand-building or business-building emails (giving interviews, providing feedback, answering enquiries from miscellaneous journalists whose names you don’t already know). A little investment - and I do mean a little - can pay off later.

Delete immediately (ideally automatically)

• All notification emails from social networks. Those are for inside the apps themselves. Turn that crap off; you have to be able to quit your Twitter client.
• Anything from LinkedIn (it’s always spam - especially recruiter enquiries).
• Anything from Facebook. It’s like Twitter, but your mum is on there - it cannot possibly be good.
• All PR, product information and newsletters. If I’m likely to care about it, someone I like more than you will tell me about it.
• All app update emails. I’ll see an update notification inside the app if I use it regularly. Otherwise, why would I care?
• Anything you won’t want/need to look at after this week.

Everything else

• Archive it immediately. Don’t bother reading past the first line.

Ruthlessness tips

Here are a few tips I’ve formulated over the years for maximum email ruthlessness. These will not make you seem like a nice person to everyone who sends you email; instead, they will give you more time to spend with people whose opinion you actually care about.

Darwinian importance

The importance of an email isn’t something you need to spend time thinking about. If it doesn’t immediately and obviously make you feel you should reply to it within the next day or two, it’s not that important to you. Archive or delete it.
If it’s sufficiently important to someone else, that person will expend effort to make it come back to you. If the email does not come back to you, you would have wasted your time replying to it. Win-win.

Ten max

Don’t have more than ten messages in your inbox. There’s no reason you’d need to be in that situation. If you have multiple projects and clients, chuck the emails in per-project non-inbox folders; your non-work email shouldn’t ever get past ten unanswered messages at any time.
If you literally don’t have time each day to do that simple piece of filing, you’re getting too many work emails, and you need to actively start cultivating a reputation as a simmering psychopath who may or may not bring a weapon into the office if he gets just one more stupid email.

See no email

Or rather, see no full emails. Enable a two-line preview of messages in your message list, so you can see the first bit of content without actually loading the full thing. Don’t let your eyeballs meet the full text of most emails. Make snap decisions, and aggressively trash or archive things right then and there.

Quantum view

Take a lesson from quantum mechanics: an email isn’t definitively important until you see it. If you don’t see it, it’s not important. It remains in a dead-alive, important-unimportant superposition of states. And who cares about emails like that? Not me.
Don’t chase email, or worry about missing it. Let it come to you. If it doesn’t, then what you don’t know usually won’t hurt you.

Volley

People are terrible at clearly outlining what they want from you. They waffle, and then when they do get to the point, they’re vague. This wastes your time - but you can turn it to your advantage. Almost any email that requires you to do something will have made assumptions of some kind; you should immediately ask for clarification on at least one of those assumptions. This has several wonderful effects:

1. It gets the email out of your inbox. You replied, so archive it. Boom.
2. You give work to someone else who just tried to give you work. Vengeance.
3. You show yourself to be detail-oriented and precise. And, someone who’s vengeful and not afraid to hurt other people. All of those are excellent and useful additions to your reputation.

Be polite

Thank people for their message. It seems delightfully polite and olde-world, and people will be more inclined to have a positive view of you. Best of all, if you’re responding to an angry or insulting email (hello, blog comment-tards), you’ve already made the other person feel like a dick.

Stay out of the trash

Don’t check your Junk or Trash folders, ever. This is a key piece of advice. People will tell you to check those folders periodically, in case you missed something - that’s crap. Web sites even tell you to check for their mail there.
No. If your message hit my Junk or Trash folders, one of two things happened:

1. You wrote a cruddy message that seemed like Junk or Trash, and it was accidentally flagged. Your fault. Go away and write a better message.
2. You wrote a cruddy message that seemed like Junk or Trash, and I had anticipated this and deliberately caused it to be flagged. I am a genius.

I also refer you to the Darwinian Importance principle above: if your filters accidentally caught something important, someone will eventually tell you. Don’t do that person’s job for them. Instead, spend some time on YouTube like a normal person.

Does it work?

So that’s my system. The big question is: does it keep me permanently at Inbox Five Or Fewer, and make my email client a happy place to be?
Of course it doesn’t. I’m a human being (and thus inherently lazy and egocentric), and so are you. If you stick to all of those rules, you’ll always have a nigh-empty inbox - but you won’t stick to the rules, and neither do I.
Like me, you’ll semi-regularly find yourself with 50 messages in your Inbox. My advice in that situation is just this: archive the oldest 45 of them, regardless of the above rules. Give up immediately. Then pat yourself on the back for taking definitive action once again, you hero.

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Michelle Obama speech delivered to the Democratic National Convention

The First lady of USA (Michelle Obama) delivered her speech to the Democratic National Convention on 04th September, 2012. This is the kind of speech I aspire from Nigerian and African leaders of today. An excellent speech, well delivered, inspirational and full of hopes.



Here is the full speech I just got this morning from the internet and it reads....

Over the past few years as First Lady, I have had the extraordinary privilege of traveling all across this country.

And everywhere I’ve gone, in the people I’ve met, and the stories I’ve heard, I have seen the very best of the American spirit.

I have seen it in the incredible kindness and warmth that people have shown me and my family, especially our girls.

I’ve seen it in teachers in a near-bankrupt school district who vowed to keep teaching without pay.

I’ve seen it in people who become heroes at a moment’s notice, diving into harm’s way to save others…flying across the country to put out a fire…driving for hours to bail out a flooded town.

And I’ve seen it in our men and women in uniform and our proud military families…in wounded warriors who tell me they’re not just going to walk again, they’re going to run, and they’re going to run marathons…in the young man blinded by a bomb in Afghanistan who said, simply, “…I’d give my eyes 100 times again to have the chance to do what I have done and what I can still do.”

Every day, the people I meet inspire me…every day, they make me proud…every day they remind me how blessed we are to live in the greatest nation on earth.

Serving as your First Lady is an honor and a privilege…but back when we first came together four years ago, I still had some concerns about this journey we’d begun.

While I believed deeply in my husband’s vision for this country…and I was certain he would make an extraordinary President…like any mother, I was worried about what it would mean for our girls if he got that chance.

How would we keep them grounded under the glare of the national spotlight?

How would they feel being uprooted from their school, their friends, and the only home they’d ever known?

Our life before moving to Washington was filled with simple joys…Saturdays at soccer games, Sundays at grandma’s house…and a date night for Barack and me was either dinner or a movie, because as an exhausted mom, I couldn’t stay awake for both.

And the truth is, I loved the life we had built for our girls…I deeply loved the man I had built that life with…and I didn’t want that to change if he became President.

I loved Barack just the way he was.

You see, even though back then Barack was a Senator and a presidential candidate…to me, he was still the guy who’d picked me up for our dates in a car that was so rusted out, I could actually see the pavement going by through a hole in the passenger side door…he was the guy whose proudest possession was a coffee table he’d found in a dumpster, and whose only pair of decent shoes was half a size too small.

But when Barack started telling me about his family – that’s when I knew I had found a kindred spirit, someone whose values and upbringing were so much like mine.

You see, Barack and I were both raised by families who didn’t have much in the way of money or material possessions but who had given us something far more valuable – their unconditional love, their unflinching sacrifice, and the chance to go places they had never imagined for themselves.

My father was a pump operator at the city water plant, and he was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis when my brother and I were young.

And even as a kid, I knew there were plenty of days when he was in pain…I knew there were plenty of mornings when it was a struggle for him to simply get out of bed.

But every morning, I watched my father wake up with a smile, grab his walker, prop himself up against the bathroom sink, and slowly shave and button his uniform.

And when he returned home after a long day’s work, my brother and I would stand at the top of the stairs to our little apartment, patiently waiting to greet him…watching as he reached down to lift one leg, and then the other, to slowly climb his way into our arms.

But despite these challenges, my dad hardly ever missed a day of work…he and my mom were determined to give me and my brother the kind of education they could only dream of.

And when my brother and I finally made it to college, nearly all of our tuition came from student loans and grants.

But my dad still had to pay a tiny portion of that tuition himself.

And every semester, he was determined to pay that bill right on time, even taking out loans when he fell short.

He was so proud to be sending his kids to college…and he made sure we never missed a registration deadline because his check was late.

You see, for my dad, that’s what it meant to be a man.

Like so many of us, that was the measure of his success in life – being able to earn a decent living that allowed him to support his family.

And as I got to know Barack, I realized that even though he’d grown up all the way across the country, he’d been brought up just like me.

Barack was raised by a single mother who struggled to pay the bills, and by grandparents who stepped in when she needed help.

Barack’s grandmother started out as a secretary at a community bank…and she moved quickly up the ranks…but like so many women, she hit a glass ceiling.

And for years, men no more qualified than she was – men she had actually trained – were promoted up the ladder ahead of her, earning more and more money while Barack’s family continued to scrape by.

But day after day, she kept on waking up at dawn to catch the bus…arriving at work before anyone else…giving her best without complaint or regret.

And she would often tell Barack, “So long as you kids do well, Bar, that’s all that really matters.”

Like so many American families, our families weren’t asking for much.

They didn’t begrudge anyone else’s success or care that others had much more than they did…in fact, they admired it.

They simply believed in that fundamental American promise that, even if you don’t start out with much, if you work hard and do what you’re supposed to do, then you should be able to build a decent life for yourself and an even better life for your kids and grandkids.

That’s how they raised us…that’s what we learned from their example.

We learned about dignity and decency – that how hard you work matters more than how much you make…that helping others means more than just getting ahead yourself.

We learned about honesty and integrity – that the truth matters…that you don’t take shortcuts or play by your own set of rules…and success doesn’t count unless you earn it fair and square.

We learned about gratitude and humility – that so many people had a hand in our success, from the teachers who inspired us to the janitors who kept our school clean…and we were taught to value everyone’s contribution and treat everyone with respect.

Those are the values Barack and I – and so many of you – are trying to pass on to our own children.

That’s who we are.

And standing before you four years ago, I knew that I didn’t want any of that to change if Barack became President.

Well, today, after so many struggles and triumphs and moments that have tested my husband in ways I never could have imagined, I have seen firsthand that being president doesn’t change who you are – it reveals who you are.

You see, I’ve gotten to see up close and personal what being president really looks like.

And I’ve seen how the issues that come across a President’s desk are always the hard ones – the problems where no amount of data or numbers will get you to the right answer…the judgment calls where the stakes are so high, and there is no margin for error.

And as President, you can get all kinds of advice from all kinds of people.

But at the end of the day, when it comes time to make that decision, as President, all you have to guide you are your values, and your vision, and the life experiences that make you who you are.

So when it comes to rebuilding our economy, Barack is thinking about folks like my dad and like his grandmother.

He’s thinking about the pride that comes from a hard day’s work.

That’s why he signed the Lilly Ledbetter Fair Pay Act to help women get equal pay for equal work.

That’s why he cut taxes for working families and small businesses and fought to get the auto industry back on its feet.

That’s how he brought our economy from the brink of collapse to creating jobs again – jobs you can raise a family on, good jobs right here in the United States of America.

When it comes to the health of our families, Barack refused to listen to all those folks who told him to leave health reform for another day, another president.

He didn’t care whether it was the easy thing to do politically – that’s not how he was raised – he cared that it was the right thing to do.

He did it because he believes that here in America, our grandparents should be able to afford their medicine…our kids should be able to see a doctor when they’re sick…and no one in this country should ever go broke because of an accident or illness.

And he believes that women are more than capable of making our own choices about our bodies and our health care…that’s what my husband stands for.

When it comes to giving our kids the education they deserve, Barack knows that like me and like so many of you, he never could’ve attended college without financial aid.

And believe it or not, when we were first married, our combined monthly student loan bills were actually higher than our mortgage.

We were so young, so in love, and so in debt.

That’s why Barack has fought so hard to increase student aid and keep interest rates down, because he wants every young person to fulfill their promise and be able to attend college without a mountain of debt.

So in the end, for Barack, these issues aren’t political – they’re personal.

Because Barack knows what it means when a family struggles.

He knows what it means to want something more for your kids and grandkids.

Barack knows the American Dream because he’s lived it…and he wants everyone in this country to have that same opportunity, no matter who we are, or where we’re from, or what we look like, or who we love.

And he believes that when you’ve worked hard, and done well, and walked through that doorway of opportunity…you do not slam it shut behind you…you reach back, and you give other folks the same chances that helped you succeed.

So when people ask me whether being in the White House has changed my husband, I can honestly say that when it comes to his character, and his convictions, and his heart, Barack Obama is still the same man I fell in love with all those years ago.

He’s the same man who started his career by turning down high paying jobs and instead working in struggling neighborhoods where a steel plant had shut down, fighting to rebuild those communities and get folks back to work…because for Barack, success isn’t about how much money you make, it’s about the difference you make in people’s lives.

He’s the same man who, when our girls were first born, would anxiously check their cribs every few minutes to ensure they were still breathing, proudly showing them off to everyone we knew.

That’s the man who sits down with me and our girls for dinner nearly every night, patiently answering their questions about issues in the news, and strategizing about middle school friendships.

That’s the man I see in those quiet moments late at night, hunched over his desk, poring over the letters people have sent him.

The letter from the father struggling to pay his bills…from the woman dying of cancer whose insurance company won’t cover her care…from the young person with so much promise but so few opportunities.

I see the concern in his eyes…and I hear the determination in his voice as he tells me, “You won’t believe what these folks are going through, Michelle…it’s not right. We’ve got to keep working to fix this. We’ve got so much more to do.”

I see how those stories – our collection of struggles and hopes and dreams – I see how that’s what drives Barack Obama every single day.

And I didn’t think it was possible, but today, I love my husband even more than I did four years ago…even more than I did 23 years ago, when we first met.

I love that he’s never forgotten how he started.

I love that we can trust Barack to do what he says he’s going to do, even when it’s hard – especially when it’s hard.

I love that for Barack, there is no such thing as “us” and “them” – he doesn’t care whether you’re a Democrat, a Republican, or none of the above…he knows that we all love our country…and he’s always ready to listen to good ideas…he’s always looking for the very best in everyone he meets.

And I love that even in the toughest moments, when we’re all sweating it – when we’re worried that the bill won’t pass, and it seems like all is lost – Barack never lets himself get distracted by the chatter and the noise.

Just like his grandmother, he just keeps getting up and moving forward…with patience and wisdom, and courage and grace.

And he reminds me that we are playing a long game here…and that change is hard, and change is slow, and it never happens all at once.

But eventually we get there, we always do.

We get there because of folks like my Dad…folks like Barack’s grandmother…men and women who said to themselves, “I may not have a chance to fulfill my dreams, but maybe my children will…maybe my grandchildren will.”

So many of us stand here tonight because of their sacrifice, and longing, and steadfast love…because time and again, they swallowed their fears and doubts and did what was hard.

So today, when the challenges we face start to seem overwhelming – or even impossible – let us never forget that doing the impossible is the history of this nation…it’s who we are as Americans…it’s how this country was built.

And if our parents and grandparents could toil and struggle for us…if they could raise beams of steel to the sky, send a man to the moon, and connect the world with the touch of a button…then surely we can keep on sacrificing and building for our own kids and grandkids.

And if so many brave men and women could wear our country’s uniform and sacrifice their lives for our most fundamental rights…then surely we can do our part as citizens of this great democracy to exercise those rights…surely, we can get to the polls and make our voices heard on Election Day.

If farmers and blacksmiths could win independence from an empire…if immigrants could leave behind everything they knew for a better life on our shores…if women could be dragged to jail for seeking the vote…if a generation could defeat a depression, and define greatness for all time…if a young preacher could lift us to the mountaintop with his righteous dream…and if proud Americans can be who they are and boldly stand at the altar with who they love…then surely, surely we can give everyone in this country a fair chance at that great American Dream.

Because in the end, more than anything else, that is the story of this country – the story of unwavering hope grounded in unyielding struggle.

That is what has made my story, and Barack’s story, and so many other American stories possible.

And I say all of this tonight not just as First Lady…and not just as a wife.

You see, at the end of the day, my most important title is still “mom-in-chief.”

My daughters are still the heart of my heart and the center of my world.

But today, I have none of those worries from four years ago about whether Barack and I were doing what’s best for our girls.

Because today, I know from experience that if I truly want to leave a better world for my daughters, and all our sons and daughters…if we want to give all our children a foundation for their dreams and opportunities worthy of their promise…if we want to give them that sense of limitless possibility – that belief that here in America, there is always something better out there if you’re willing to work for it…then we must work like never before…and we must once again come together and stand together for the man we can trust to keep moving this great country forward…my husband, our President, President Barack Obama.

Thank you, God bless you, and God bless America.

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Good Looking But Not the One.

Good-looking but not the one !!!!!!!

Finding the right partner either in business or marriage is a very crucial step for every individual. We all wonder if He or she is the right one. The right one to spend the rest of your life with, the right one to share your dream with, the right one to long for - their company and affection. More often than not, our judgments are based on what we see and what we feel.

We fall prey of making decisions based on what we see, which is good but not expedient.

Sometime ago, I had to invite a couple of people to form a prayer team, I remember trying to look for their picture on Facebook (lol) to see the best prayer point to attach to a particular individual. I thought I could determine their spirituality from what they look like in picture – but I was wrong.

The reality is that, that is how most of us feels, we get thrilled with the looks and body shape….when what really matter is the inside and then the outside but the inside first.

Many have chosen the wrong partner in life and business just become the other part “appears” and underline the word appears professional, spiritual and deep. The appearance is a bait and please don’t fall for it.

Now going further, it could even be deeper than the appearance, more often it could even be a characteristic or another factor. Just because she smiles a lot when you joke even though you know your joke is boring doesn’t make her the right person for you; because she picks your phone at the first ring or He has your number on speed dials and He usually ask you to leave the phone on your hear whilst you are sleeping so he can hear your breath (some romantic ideas for you brothas…...don’t ask me how I know…lol) doesn’t mean that’s God’s person for you.

I remember a story I read from the All time Bestselling Author – “Emmanuel Yahweh” – in His Global Bestseller “Rhema” – about a Pastor that was told by God to go and anoint the next President of His country. He was given the details of the Family where the next president is but was not given the full description of the President in waiting. So when after He introduced himself to the head of the family, He invited them for dinner where He was expected to anoint the president in waiting.

As soon as they began the dinner party, the first son walks in looking gorgeous, charismatic, pleasing to the eye, attractive appearance; handsome, ready salted lips, nice suit, designer shoes, D & G Belt, and His perfume could raise the dead. As soon as the Pastor saw this man, He thought...HERE COMES THE MAN oh I mean THE PRESIDENT….and as He was about to stand up and anoint him, I imagine God saying “Sit ur butt on that chair or amma whip your bum – that’s not the one”. I can also hear the Pastor saying “God what do you mean He’s not the one, He got it all, the appearance, the stature, the smell, the currency (Arab Money), the smile” but God said – “He hasn’t gotten what can kill goliath, what can humble Saul, what makes me smile….He hasn’t gotten it”.

Ironically, none of the other 7guys were the candidate until the 8th which was Young and ruddy but didn’t look like it. He had dirt all over Him but He’s the one. He didn’t even have friends except the animals in their farm but He was the one.

I always say this assertively; I might not look like it but God is taking me somewhere. Same applies to you, you might not look like it but God is taking you to the top.

I remember a story* my GO shared about a wealthy woman (WW ©) who was looking for a “Man” oh I mean Her Man. She prayed and prayed, sowed and sowed, danced, jump, gave offering of every kind; seed offering – thanksgiving offering – prophetic offering – willing offering – wave offering – turn around offering – breakthrough offering and one day she gave a 24hour miracle offering.

After the service, she got home and prayed again that the 24hour miracle should work for her, and guess what – it did. God told her “His will” for her as a husband was coming in through the gate so she rushed up to the window only to see her driver walk in. She said “Lord I can’t see no one but my driver” and the Lord said – Yes that’s my will for you. Her driver??? That’s sounds gross but you know what, His ways are not our ways.

She polished him up and today they have kids together and He’s a multi millionaire too.
When you are faced with decisions about choosing who to have on your team, who your friend should be or praying for a life partner, don’t be deceived by what you see…look inward or better still, look unto Jesus.

**** stories paraphrased

Source: www.dayoisrael.com

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